3 convincing proofs why having a boyfriend is halal
C.J Ahmed-05.03.2023
The term "boyfriend" is subjective and having a boyfriend is halal in Islam. There is nothing to prove that having a boyfriend is haram. One of the main arguments against having a boyfriend or girlfriend is based on the following verse in the Quran,
Allah says,"Wed them with the permission of their own folk and give them their mahr (dowry) according to what is reasonable; they should be chaste, not adulterous, nor taking boyfriends"(Al Quran-4:25)
The Arabic term for boyfriend used in the verse is " أَخۡدَانٖۚ (Secret lovers)" and this is the original term which means a person who commits sexual intercourse without marrying or outside marriage. The word "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" does not exist in the Quran or hadiths. Now, the question is, having a boyfriend halal and the answer is "Yes' '. Below are the proofs to support it.
1. Having male and female companions
Even the prophet (sal) had companions from both the genders who were the companions. the word male or female companions was used by the prophet (sal) in the following hadith,
Narrated `Aisha:
That the Prophet (sal) said (to her). "Order Abu Bakr to lead the people in prayer." She replied," Abu Bakr is a soft-hearted person and when he stands at your place, he will weep (so he will not be able to lead the prayer)." The Prophet (sal) repeated the same order and she gave the same reply. The narrator, Shuba said that the Prophet (sal) said on the third or fourth time. "You are (like) the female companions of Joseph. Order Abu Bakr to lead the prayer. "
(Sahh al Bukhari)
In the above hadith it is very clear that prophet Yusuf (Joseph) had female companions.
2. Sex with a boyfriend is halal under necessity.
Those who argue that having a boyfriend or girlfriend will lead to fornication, that is not the case because Muslims from the opposite sex can be friends without having sexual relations. Although generally adultery or fornication is haram in Islam ,under necessity it becomes halal and below is the evidence,
There are situations where man could fall in to fornicating or adultery due to certain fears or necessity. Islam has facilitated ease on this occasion and committing fornication or adultery won't be considered a sin or something that is forbidden due to the fact that the individual has a valid reason of necessity. This is how Allah(Swt) explains the principal of necessity.
"And why should you not eat of that (meat) on which Allah’s Name has been pronounced (at the time of slaughtering the animal), while He has explained to you in detail what is forbidden to you, except under compulsion of necessity?”
(Al-Quran-6:119)
And
"He has only forbidden you carrion, blood, and swine, and that which has been consecrated to any other than Allah. But who is driven by necessity, neither craving nor transgressing, it is no sin for him. For Allah is Forgiving, Compassionate."
(Al-Quran-2:173)
These verses give a clear picture that proves that something that is already made haram will become halal due to a necessity if there is no transgression. Allah(Swt) explains in theses verses when mentioning about meat which are forbidden and also says that although meat like carrion and swine are haram, it becomes halal under necessity. Let me give you another example.
A woman was brought to ‘Umar bin al Khattab May Allah be pleased with him who had been extremely thirsty, and had passed by a shepherd and asked him to give her something to drink; he had refused to give her something to drink unless she let him have his way with her. (Umar) consulted with the people as to whether he should have her stoned. ‘Ali May Allah be pleased with him said, ‘She was forced to do it, you should let her go.’ So he did so."
(Sunan Baihaqi-authenticated by Albani in Irwa al Ghaleel 7/341)
Now, look carefully at this hadith. In this hadith a woman who had committed adultery was let go because she committed adultery because she was thirsty. Umar (Rali) did not admonish her for committing adultery for water rather, he let her go. This is clear evidence that you can indulge in sex outside marriage if it is for a necessity.
"Narrated Anas (Rali):
The Prophet (sal) allowed `Abdur-Rahman bin `Auf and Az-Zubair bin Al-`Awwam to wear silk because they were suffering from an itch" .
(Sahih Al Bukhari)
In this hadith, the prophet(Sal) allowed Abdur Rahman bin auf and Zubair bin Awwam to wear silk because they had an itch. Generally wearing silk is haram for men except for embroidary but the prophet (Sal) allowed silk for the two sahabi due to a reason. When it comes to force and fear, the next reason is rape. The prophet (Sal) said,
"Allah has forgiven my nation for mistakes and forgetfulness, and what they are forced to do."
(Ibn Majah- Graded Sahih by Albani in Sahih Sunan Ibn Majah and narrated by Baihaqi and others and graded Hasan Sahih by Albani)
3. Having less sex ca n cause health problems
Having less sex could cause serious health problems. in a March 1, 2010 article published by Harvard, https://www.health.harvard.edu/newsletter_article/lack-of-sex-affects-the-heart mentioned the following,
"The latest report from the ongoing Massachusetts Male Aging Study suggests that, for men, having sex once a month or less can be a worrisome sign of cardiovascular disease, even in men who have normal erections (American Journal of Cardiology, Jan. 15, 2010). The researchers recommend that doctors ask their male patients about sexual activity as a possible window into hidden cardiovascular disease."
Not only does it effect the heart, less sexual intercourse can effect your immune system as well. A research published by Psychologists in Pennsylvania have shown that people who have sex once or twice a week strengthens their immune systems. The research results ere published in "New scientist" dated 17 April 1999 and says the following,
"Psychologists in Pennsylvania have shown that people who have sex once ortwice a week get a boost to their immune systems.Scientists can evaluate how robust our immune systems are by measuring levels
of immunoglobulin A (IgA), an antigen found in saliva and mucosal linings. “IgA
is the first line of defence against colds and flu,” says Carl Charnetski of
Wilkes University in Wilkes-Barre. IgA binds to pathogens at all the points of
entry to the body, then calls on the immune system to destroy them.
To find out if sex can alter IgA levels, Charnetski and his colleague Frank
Brennan asked 111 Wilkes undergraduates, aged 16 to 23, how frequently they’d
had sex over the previous month. They also measured levels of IgA in the
volunteers’ saliva.
The results showed that participants who had sex less than once a week had a
tiny increase in IgA over those who abstained completely. Those who had one or
two sexual encounters each week had a 30 per cent rise in levels of the antigen.
But people who had very frequent sex—three times a week or more—had
lower IgA levels than the abstainers. The researchers presented the results this
week at a meeting of the Eastern Psychological Association in Providence,"(https://www.newscientist.com/article/mg16221820-800-can-regular-sex-ward-off-colds-and-flu/)
If you are a Muslim and whether you are married or not, if your husband is not giving you sexual pleasure and if you as a single fear that lack of sex could cause health problem s, you ca n have sexual intercourse with your boyfriend under necessity just like the way Abdur Rahman bin auf and Zubair bin Awwam wore silk because they had an itch although generally wearing full silk was forbidden for men.
Based on the above proofs, it is clear that a boyfriend or girl friend is relative and doing so is not haram in Islam
The term "boyfriend" is subjective and having a boyfriend is halal in Islam. There is nothing to prove that having a boyfriend is haram. One of the main arguments against having a boyfriend or girlfriend is based on the following verse in the Quran,
Allah says,"Wed them with the permission of their own folk and give them their mahr (dowry) according to what is reasonable; they should be chaste, not adulterous, nor taking boyfriends"(Al Quran-4:25)
The Arabic term for boyfriend used in the verse is " أَخۡدَانٖۚ (Secret lovers)" and this is the original term which means a person who commits sexual intercourse without marrying or outside marriage. The word "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" does not exist in the Quran or hadiths. Now, the question is, having a boyfriend halal and the answer is "Yes' '. Below are the proofs to support it.
1. Having male and female companions
Even the prophet (sal) had companions from both the genders who were the companions. the word male or female companions was used by the prophet (sal) in the following hadith,
Narrated `Aisha:
That the Prophet (sal) said (to her). "Order Abu Bakr to lead the people in prayer." She replied," Abu Bakr is a soft-hearted person and when he stands at your place, he will weep (so he will not be able to lead the prayer)." The Prophet (sal) repeated the same order and she gave the same reply. The narrator, Shuba said that the Prophet (sal) said on the third or fourth time. "You are (like) the female companions of Joseph. Order Abu Bakr to lead the prayer. "
(Sahh al Bukhari)
In the above hadith it is very clear that prophet Yusuf (Joseph) had female companions.
2. Sex with a boyfriend is halal under necessity.
Those who argue that having a boyfriend or girlfriend will lead to fornication, that is not the case because Muslims from the opposite sex can be friends without having sexual relations. Although generally adultery or fornication is haram in Islam ,under necessity it becomes halal and below is the evidence,
There are situations where man could fall in to fornicating or adultery due to certain fears or necessity. Islam has facilitated ease on this occasion and committing fornication or adultery won't be considered a sin or something that is forbidden due to the fact that the individual has a valid reason of necessity. This is how Allah(Swt) explains the principal of necessity.
"And why should you not eat of that (meat) on which Allah’s Name has been pronounced (at the time of slaughtering the animal), while He has explained to you in detail what is forbidden to you, except under compulsion of necessity?”
(Al-Quran-6:119)
And
"He has only forbidden you carrion, blood, and swine, and that which has been consecrated to any other than Allah. But who is driven by necessity, neither craving nor transgressing, it is no sin for him. For Allah is Forgiving, Compassionate."
(Al-Quran-2:173)
These verses give a clear picture that proves that something that is already made haram will become halal due to a necessity if there is no transgression. Allah(Swt) explains in theses verses when mentioning about meat which are forbidden and also says that although meat like carrion and swine are haram, it becomes halal under necessity. Let me give you another example.
A woman was brought to ‘Umar bin al Khattab May Allah be pleased with him who had been extremely thirsty, and had passed by a shepherd and asked him to give her something to drink; he had refused to give her something to drink unless she let him have his way with her. (Umar) consulted with the people as to whether he should have her stoned. ‘Ali May Allah be pleased with him said, ‘She was forced to do it, you should let her go.’ So he did so."
(Sunan Baihaqi-authenticated by Albani in Irwa al Ghaleel 7/341)
Now, look carefully at this hadith. In this hadith a woman who had committed adultery was let go because she committed adultery because she was thirsty. Umar (Rali) did not admonish her for committing adultery for water rather, he let her go. This is clear evidence that you can indulge in sex outside marriage if it is for a necessity.
"Narrated Anas (Rali):
The Prophet (sal) allowed `Abdur-Rahman bin `Auf and Az-Zubair bin Al-`Awwam to wear silk because they were suffering from an itch" .
(Sahih Al Bukhari)
In this hadith, the prophet(Sal) allowed Abdur Rahman bin auf and Zubair bin Awwam to wear silk because they had an itch. Generally wearing silk is haram for men except for embroidary but the prophet (Sal) allowed silk for the two sahabi due to a reason. When it comes to force and fear, the next reason is rape. The prophet (Sal) said,
"Allah has forgiven my nation for mistakes and forgetfulness, and what they are forced to do."
(Ibn Majah- Graded Sahih by Albani in Sahih Sunan Ibn Majah and narrated by Baihaqi and others and graded Hasan Sahih by Albani)
3. Having less sex ca n cause health problems
Having less sex could cause serious health problems. in a March 1, 2010 article published by Harvard, https://www.health.harvard.edu/newsletter_article/lack-of-sex-affects-the-heart mentioned the following,
"The latest report from the ongoing Massachusetts Male Aging Study suggests that, for men, having sex once a month or less can be a worrisome sign of cardiovascular disease, even in men who have normal erections (American Journal of Cardiology, Jan. 15, 2010). The researchers recommend that doctors ask their male patients about sexual activity as a possible window into hidden cardiovascular disease."
Not only does it effect the heart, less sexual intercourse can effect your immune system as well. A research published by Psychologists in Pennsylvania have shown that people who have sex once or twice a week strengthens their immune systems. The research results ere published in "New scientist" dated 17 April 1999 and says the following,
"Psychologists in Pennsylvania have shown that people who have sex once ortwice a week get a boost to their immune systems.Scientists can evaluate how robust our immune systems are by measuring levels
of immunoglobulin A (IgA), an antigen found in saliva and mucosal linings. “IgA
is the first line of defence against colds and flu,” says Carl Charnetski of
Wilkes University in Wilkes-Barre. IgA binds to pathogens at all the points of
entry to the body, then calls on the immune system to destroy them.
To find out if sex can alter IgA levels, Charnetski and his colleague Frank
Brennan asked 111 Wilkes undergraduates, aged 16 to 23, how frequently they’d
had sex over the previous month. They also measured levels of IgA in the
volunteers’ saliva.
The results showed that participants who had sex less than once a week had a
tiny increase in IgA over those who abstained completely. Those who had one or
two sexual encounters each week had a 30 per cent rise in levels of the antigen.
But people who had very frequent sex—three times a week or more—had
lower IgA levels than the abstainers. The researchers presented the results this
week at a meeting of the Eastern Psychological Association in Providence,"(https://www.newscientist.com/article/mg16221820-800-can-regular-sex-ward-off-colds-and-flu/)
If you are a Muslim and whether you are married or not, if your husband is not giving you sexual pleasure and if you as a single fear that lack of sex could cause health problem s, you ca n have sexual intercourse with your boyfriend under necessity just like the way Abdur Rahman bin auf and Zubair bin Awwam wore silk because they had an itch although generally wearing full silk was forbidden for men.
Based on the above proofs, it is clear that a boyfriend or girl friend is relative and doing so is not haram in Islam